"No One Joins a Cult" - The Insidious Nature of the Spiritual Narcissist

The path up the mountain is full of pitfalls, dead ends, shortcuts that lead to nowhere, and peaks that appear as the final apex, but are not. One of the most difficult blind spots to see within one’s self is that of the spiritual ego.

The Spiritual Ego

Spiritual ego is a natural part of the path one goes through as they begin to widen their worldview and access higher levels of consciousness. It often manifests as telling others that their path is somehow wrong or that one knows best for them because one has accessed more knowledge, insight, or realization.

Getting stuck here can be painful, and it’s not until one accepts that all paths are equal, no matter what they may look like, and that the natural progression of each person’s path is guided by a higher power that one can be freed from the spiritual ego. Trusting that the Universe/Creator/God knows what it is doing for each individual is vital. Just as your path has opened up and blossomed, often through no effort of your own, so, too, will everyone else’s.

The spiritual ego can also manifest through identification of some higher aspect of self - the higher self, Source Consciousness (God), an archangel, ascended master, or deity.

This, again, leads to telling others what to do, and can lead into more insidious types of spiritual ego. This is especially common in those who have very fractured psyches, resulting in a diluted identity, or types of “psychological conditions” (we will leave the spiritual implications of mental health diagnoses for a discussion on another day) such as narcissism.

“If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.” -Linji Yixuan, Buddhist Monk

While spiritual ego is part of anyone’s path who goes far enough (whether in this lifetime or any other), the spiritual narcissist is an exacerbated form of this, and often leads to disastrous effects. The spiritual narcissist is a more insidious form of spiritual ego, and they can lead another person deep into cult mentality.

Ken Wilber speaks about how one can “wake up” at any point in the Spiral Dynamics framework. (New to Spiral Dynamics? Check out this YouTube channel which has an incredible overview of the levels.) Those who have mystical experiences in lower tiers and colors are more likely to have issues integrating what they’ve experienced in healthy ways. For example, those who are still in Blue when they have a mystical experience will often deepen their religious beliefs, and, with certain realizations (ie. we are God) may begin to believe that they (and only they) are God.

The Spiritual Narcissist

Narcissists are harder to spot than you might think as they spend a great deal of time on their image and presenting themselves in a normal or even an extremely kind and empathic way. But here are several signs that you should keep watch out for:

• have an extreme sense of self-importance, arrogance, & self-aggrandizement

• exploit & manipulate other people for their own benefit

• have a lack of empathy (although can fake empathy)

• seek those with power/admiration to attach themselves to

• need admiration and attention, attention-seeking

• extreme entitlement

Common tactics narcissists use to groom their victims include:

• target vulnerable individuals, such as those who are lonely, depressed, or those with other unfulfilled needs

• play the victim and use “sob stories” to create a sense of needing help, which snares empathetic & compassionate people

• love bomb victims by showering them with compliments, telling them they are special (especially prominent in spiritual communities with dubious leadership), and/or telling them “secrets” about themselves to create a sense of intimacy

• data mining their victims by allowing the victim to share their struggles and stories; use fake empathy to make it seem like they care and understand; these struggles and issues will be used against the victim later (again, very common in spiritual groups, especially those focused on healing as you are sharing very deep, personal, and often traumatic stories)

• manipulate the perceptions of their victim to make themselves seem good, helpful, kind, etc; target the victim’s perception of those around them (support system) to isolate the victim from those around them as the abuse escalates; maintain control of their image with those around their victim (appear the “good person”) which prevents the victim from turning to their support system because those in the support system don’t see the abusive behavior

• use guilt, shame, and emotional abuse to keep their victim under their control

• use gaslighting to undermine the confidence of the victim and keep them in a state of self-doubt and confusion

When one has one or more mystical experiences (especially those brought on through psychedelics), one can begin to believe that they are God. This is a common realization, and points to Source or Unity Consciousness, but when the ego attaches to this understanding, especially one that is fractured into narcissism, huge issues can arise.

The God Complex & Cult Mentality

When a narcissist has a mystical experience and begins to identify themselves with God, Jesus, or other figure of importance and power, it is a recipe for disaster.

We must make a note that narcissism is based in insecurity and suffering, often caused by extreme forms of trauma in childhood. So, this is to say, these aren’t bad people, just very damaged people, but their actions lead to horrific outcomes. There is a deep-rooted need to prove themselves. Due to the fact that they went through severe trauma, their view of the world is very dark and oppositional.

This can feed into the “doomsday” mentality, which is so often found in cults, as well as the persistent feeling of persecution that narcissists and cult leaders feel. But when they pull people into that story of “us vs. them” then they are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy, such as what happened with David Koresh at Waco, TX. Whatever they may have believed, they could have been a peaceful church & community, but their belief in the oncoming end-of-days and perceived persecution caused them to stockpile weapons that eventually brought about the ATF raiding their property and the 51-day standoff that resulted in over 90 deaths.

This feeling that the world is evil, of persistent persecution, and/or of the need to “transcend” physical reality is what causes so many issues in these groups. When a spiritual leader starts priming the group that “we will be seen as a cult, but we’re not a cult,” that’s a huge red flag. That’s indoctrination.

When the leader of a spiritual groups believes or claims to be an incarnated form of some deity or ascended master (often Jesus but I've seen women attach themselves to goddesses), or has exclusive access to communication with God/Source, this puts the leader on a pedestal, creates a sense of entitlement, and causes the rest of the group to lose themselves in serving their “Master” or the “Master’s” mission.

Often followers lose their sense of self, which is often encouraged by the group and leader through the use of uniforms, isolation from family and friends, and giving up personal goals and joys. The destruction of an outside support system (family & friends) is essential in order to keep group members from being able to leave. Often this is accomplished by telling them victim that their family would not understand, are actively persecuting them, the leader, or the group, or are, on deeper metaphysical levels, compromised, possessed, or evil.

The doomsday and “us vs. the world” mentality is especially insidious, and almost always indicates that something is off. It creates an urgency within the vulnerable mind, and causes people to believe that the ends justify the means, whatever the means may be. This also allows for the leader to implant the idea that anyone who is against the group is persecuting them, and creates a division between the world and the group. Often, these groups feel they have a truth or mission that saves them in some way, lead by the cult leader, and this creates a sense of elitism, causing them to divide themselves further from the world. The threat of not being “saved” or other afterlife/soul-level threat due to the displeasure of the leader (who is the only connection to God/Source) allows for the leader to get away with a lot of abuse that would otherwise be called out.

The individual gives up sovereignty to the group leader. Often times these groups are called “high control groups,” which means that the leader has the ultimate authority over all people and aspects of life in the group. Questions and dissent are not tolerated, and are often punished, sometimes to the point of death. One-on-one, the group leader may guilt, shame, or emotionally manipulate the member in order to get them to comply.

These groups often have an indoctrination system, something that starts out with self-improvement, spirituality, or metaphysics/occult. This is where we say, "no one joins a cult." Good people searching for betterment get sucked into the dogma of the leader.

Sometime during the learning process, the leader begins to data mine the victim, and use various forms of brainwashing. They will also invalidate emotions, feelings, and intuition, sometimes in very subtle ways. They may use hypnosis, guided meditations, neuro-linguistic programming, exploration of consciousness, and many other forms of mind control and brainwashing. In the deeper metaphysical/occult groups, energy work, spellwork, and more can be used to keep a person enthralled or bound to the leader and group. The obsessive or fanatic feelings within an individual are particularly important, and one can often tell how indoctrinated a person is by the vehemence of their denial of other’s questions and their protection of the leader.

There is also always a sense of destabilizing the individual through emotional manipulation, data mining, brainwashing, and gaslighting. The individual who does begin to doubt and ask questions will have to face extreme cognitive dissonance, as well as possible shame and/or guilt for what they have done in the name of the leader/group/mission. The individual never knows who to trust, where to turn, except the leader. Members are often told to report on one another, and, in doing so, receive some sort of special treatment or time spent with the leader (in certain groups, sexual encounters with the leader were considered a privilege), while the leader maintains control through suspicion, surveillance, and punishment of those who step outside the carefully-contrived boxes set forth by the leader.

If a member does manage to get away from the group, they are excommunicated; group members are told not to speak to them, and may be punished if they do so. Often, lies are told about the member who leaves, which are similar to the lies used to isolate the members from their family and friends (persecution, compromised, etc). The road to recovery is often long and difficult for those who escape a cult.

There is also always a need for resources and money. Often, free labor is required of members, as well as giving up all personal finances and resources. This creates a reliance on the leader and group, as well as gives the leader the money, power, and control for their desired lifestyle. It also prevents a member from being able to leave as they have no outside income and have often cut themselves off from their past support system.

Recruitment is common, including the focus on powerful and rich people, such as celebrities. Usually love bombing is used in order to get them into the indoctrination process (often packaged as programs, seminars, retreats, etc) until they are committed.

Not All Spiritual Teachers are Cult Leaders

“There is no enlightened person, only enlightened action.”

All of this is rather frightening, I realize. One never joins a cult; one joins a group aligned with their values and personal mission. It’s only later that they may (if they are lucky) realize they have been conned.

Not all teachers, gurus, or masters are suffering from the delusions of the narcissistic personality disorder or spiritual ego. There are many genuine people who are here to bring in higher consciousness without warping it into self-service. Here are some ways you can spot a healthy teacher:

• they always point you back to yourself (ie. “what does your intuition say?”; “ground and find your center”; “where is your power? it's within you”; etc)

• they restore your power to you, and always indicate you have sovereign choice (rather than take your power away and indicate only they have the answer)

• they are heart- and love-based even when discussing mind awakening and/or consciousness; there is an emphasis on Yin, surrender, listening, and opening to higher wisdom

• their actions speak for them; they are actively doing good works in the world that benefit others (acts of service, volunteerism, scholarships & sliding-fee scales, etc)

• you feel uplifted and empowered after listening/talking to them

Always, always be mindful of the spiritual ego that loves to identify with things that make it feel more high and mighty than others.

You are God, and so is everyone and everything else.

God Is.